Doubt and confirmation

For me corn fields got something special, love to walk trhoughour nature, Wattenscheid, Germany, July 2017

This week I handled my insights. It was a pretty hard week that's why I didn't manage it to write a new Blog Post.

Last week I had so many insights, could hear my intuition and knew what I wanted to do in life. But this week I questioning everything and everybody. It drove me nearly crazy. I was not sure who I can trust or if I can trust myself respectively if I can trust my intuition. I think this was kind of self protection. I never listened that much to my inner voice because I couldn't hear it. But in this week my inner voice was getting so present. I couldn't ignore it. The feeling was amazing and I was pretty sure which way I had to go. In this week I had to go back to work. You know I'm an hairdresser, I'm  in touch with people all the time. I met a lot of wonderful people which benefit my mood just as people which influenced my mood pretty bad and I don't mean they were rude or something like that. There was this feeling, that they wasn't good for me. Do you know it if you meet someone and you got a strange feeling doesn't matter if the person is nice or not? Mostly in the end you didn't get a good connection with this person. Exactly this kind of feeling I had.

Well everything was bit confusing and the more I worked the more my inner voice ceased. I always talked with my boyfriend about what happend inside me, he gave me safety. I remember I asked him in the end of the day: Do you think IT is still here?

I called my feelings and my changing IT because I can't decsribe what it really is.

And he always confirmed me that it won't go if I still want to listen. It pretty calms me down because in my past a lot of things happened that I never really learned to listen to myself.

 And that's the point why I couldn't find my personal happiness and freedom. I had to put a lot of stones out of my way but I also mentioned that I don't have to put all of the stones immidiately out of it. I got so much time. It is only important that I already start with it at home.

It wasn't my life situation which made me feel sick, it was my way to handle with things, my behavior. I got a lot of blockades and there never was the time to solve them. While my body is still working and doing all the stuff for Canada, my psyche calms down and I got enough time to start learning to listen my inner voice.

We always try to function and with all the stress around us or which we make we got no time to listen our intuition. We forget that our body and our psyche is connected. If we got body pain we go to the doctor or take medicine, that the body is working as fast as it can. If we got psyche pain we go to the doctor or take medicine to let it stop talking

Why we stop listening to our body and psyche? Because it has to work? With this attitude it won't work that long. Is this our life goal? I don't want to say that we shouldn't work anymore and have a lazy life. No, we need to work. Circulation wouldn't work without it. Life, like we build it, wouldn't work. But why is the intention to destroy our body and psyche? It doesn't make any sense. We build machines but we aren't machines.

Why I was still hesitantely I just listened to myself how I felt the last week with hearing my intuition and I remember I totally felt good, really comfortable and that's the reason why I know that my decision is nothing to worry about. It is my way to happiness. 

And this really happen in Germany, Sunset view out of my window, Wattenscheid, Germany, July 2017

I always thought changing my place of residence, doing a profession I like and doing the things I like would be enough for becoming happy. But all the time I need to listen to my body and psyche as well. If it doesn't work I can't really enjoy my life.

 I don't want to say from now on I only eat vegan and going to gym as often as I can. No, that's radical and also makes no sense for my life. Well there are people which feel pretty good with that and that's fine but that's not me. I want to listen what my body or my intuitin want me to tell, what they need. And I don't want to do it instantly. It's an other process which needs time. I listened so random, how should I learn it immidiately? I don't really know how my body and psyche is working. But I'm willing to learn and it's so exciting for me.

I think that's the most important thing, we are always in a hurry and don't give us the time we need for something. Everything has to work instantly even ourselves. We think we don't have much time but the only reason why is because we didn't stop and listen.

Sunrise playing with sun and moon, love that special shot, Our universe, July 2017

What I still enjoy at the moment is our nature. We got only one car yet so I'm walking pretty much or sitting and waiting that my boyfriend picks me up. I'm always choosing places in our nature and read much more. It is really sad but I never mentioned the nature around me and how beautiful it is even in good old Germany.

Another point which let me tell you that we should stop much more and observe our surroundings. It seems like the sky is bigger, the gras is greener and the air is letting me breath much deeper.

***

Canada is coming closer. Nearly 3 weeks and the plane to Vancouver is ready and I'm it as well.

Some days I'm thinking how should I manage it until departure and then within 2 hours I worked out so many things on my To-Do -List. I only need to start.
So my car is sold and I'm so happy I sold it to a lovely girl which take my baby to France for an half year. She is a traveller like me and I think in some points this wasn't a coincidence as well. I get what I wanted for the car and I think it will be well looked after. Everybody seems to be happy with that.

Fortunately our dog is in a pretty good mood. He is ready to fly and his scar is still healing good. We got our health insurance and I'm still traiping round my visits at the doctors. Seems to be I'm in good health but I need to draw my wisdom tooth before flying. What luck!... not.

But better here than in Canada. So everything is ready for our new adventure.

There are still some trivias to made. But the biggest part will be packing my suitcase. I still fears the day when I really have to.

Maple leafs? I guess Canada is coming- Bodensee, Germany, July 2017

I know it is a pretty short post but I think you can understand that I have to do so much, especially meeting the people I love. Anyway I'm looking forward to these days where I'm sitting somewhere in Canada and can write as much as I want.

If you still got some questions I'm happy to answer you.

Enjoy yourself and good night.